Fear

07/10/2014

I want to be the guy who writes honestly because that is how I was brought up, to call things how they are without sugar-coating anything at all. So that is how I try and live my life and that is how I write.

A few weeks ago, I was given a referral to go to a radiological clinic to get a local anaesthetic injection and a cortisone injection, both at the same time. I have had a fear of needles ever since I was six years old. Some try and tell me it is unreasonable. I always reply to them that they have a fear too and sure enough, they tell me their fear. There is nothing wrong with feeling fearful at all. But where it becomes an issue is when it literally paralyzes you (pun intended) into inaction. That happened to me when I had to get those needles. I got so scared that I lost sleep four nights in a row, barely ate anything and consequently, was in no place to get the needles done on the day. I cancelled the appointment and went back to bed. I felt like an absolute moron, but knew in a strange way that I had done the right thing because had I gone to take the needles that day, they would have hurt a lot more than a day if I was feeling stronger.

So... I've taken a couple of weeks rest, both for my body and mind and this coming Friday at 2:15 pm, I will face my fear and get those two needles done because I really do need them. All I know is that I do not want to be the guy who is not man enough to take what he has to take in life because that has never been me. However, I do want to be the guy who is not afraid to be honest with his emotions. If I am feeling scared, I want to be honest enough where I can admit it. If I feel I am too tired to deal with something, physically, emotionally or both, I want to be the guy who does not feel like he has to hide it and try to put on his fake cape and be a fake Superman. That is not me. That has never been me. That never will be me. I hope you all know, no matter how well you know me, that I get just as scared as the rest of you. The difference is whether or not you get up after you have had your moment of fear.

Giving up is not an option,

Perry.