It's Okay

4/04/2015

These last few months, since August really, my writing has declined because of physical health issues. I have been unwell with a deteriorating left shoulder. If you are able-bodied, that is not so much of a problem. However, when you are in a wheelchair, it is a huge problem. Think of it like a walking person having hip or knee problems. Therefore not much productive at all has happened in these eight months.

I was on some very hard medications which made the situation feel a lot worse, rather than better. These medications are supposed to be mid-range pain relief, but instead had a detrimental effect on my mental and emotional health, hurt my gut, my sleeping pattern and these painkillers are a big reason why I fell into a deep, dark hole of depression. There were nights so scary I thought I was not going to see the next day. Thank God I am still breathing - seriously! I was only on them for about eight weeks and have since vowed to myself and my family to never take that pain relief again.

Since recognizing a few weeks back this was a major contributor of my current issues, I have been looking at other sources of pain relief, without my GP, who prescribed me the other pain relief that made me feel terrible. I have now finally found some pain relief that relieves pain, is natural, legal and doesn't make me sick, physically or emotionally. As a result, I am feeling much better internally and am starting to think about going back into the real world and dealing with people soon. It won't be easy, but God is with me and will give me the grace and wisdom to help me.

For those that know me, I want to make one thing clear and that is I am not at uni studying. However, I am still technically in a role as a youth leader at the church I attend, Metro Church. And that brings me around to the title of this blog: It's Okay. I can't remember when it was, but my pastor's daughter, Rebekah, preached a message a while back about how it's okay. Even when you don't know what is going on at all, it's okay. Even when it seems like all hell is breaking loose and has you as it's target, it's okay. Why? Because God knows and if God knows, it's okay. Whatever you are facing at the moment, Christian or not, know that it is okay. The sun is shining, you are breathing and Jesus loves you, whether you know it or not. In closing, a quote from my favourite band, Switchfoot: "All that's in my head is in your hands." - Home by Switchfoot

Giving up is not an option,

Perry

Hope

06/01/2015

You're my only hope. Those are four words from the song "Only Hope" by Switchfoot, also done by Mandy Moore in the movie A Walk To Remember. This is not a post about the song, those artists or even the movie. It is a post about hope and I just happen to be listening to this song as I write and thought I would give it a mention.

Without hope, we are as good as internally dead. Whatever may have happened in your life, whether you caused it, someone else did, good or bad, do not ever lose your ability to hope for tomorrow. Hope keeps us smiling through the rains of life. It keeps us literally pushing through in the last couple of km's of a city to surf. It keeps us watching every game, even if our favourite sports team are no good this season.

Some may call us naive and stupid for doing those things, but if you don't hope and you give up, what kind of life is that? I am all for sincerity and telling it like it is, but I am also all for being positive, especially through the drama of life.

I hope that 2015 will be full of love, joy and peace for us all. I hope that 2015 will see me return to study my Youth Work degree. I hope I do not see the inside of a hospital, either as a patient or visitor.

Again, some may say I am naive and stupid. I am not naive and stupid and I know that will not happen for everyone. Some will experience some pain this year because that's just life. However, I encourage those that do see some hard stuff this year to go through it with hope in your heart and a smile on your face at the knowledge that the sun will rise tomorrow. If you need to turn off your phone and tune out for a while to rest, do that. Whatever it takes for you to keep yourself hoping, as long as nobody gets hurt in the process, do that!

Giving up is not an option,

Perry.

Fear

07/10/2014

I want to be the guy who writes honestly because that is how I was brought up, to call things how they are without sugar-coating anything at all. So that is how I try and live my life and that is how I write.

A few weeks ago, I was given a referral to go to a radiological clinic to get a local anaesthetic injection and a cortisone injection, both at the same time. I have had a fear of needles ever since I was six years old. Some try and tell me it is unreasonable. I always reply to them that they have a fear too and sure enough, they tell me their fear. There is nothing wrong with feeling fearful at all. But where it becomes an issue is when it literally paralyzes you (pun intended) into inaction. That happened to me when I had to get those needles. I got so scared that I lost sleep four nights in a row, barely ate anything and consequently, was in no place to get the needles done on the day. I cancelled the appointment and went back to bed. I felt like an absolute moron, but knew in a strange way that I had done the right thing because had I gone to take the needles that day, they would have hurt a lot more than a day if I was feeling stronger.

So... I've taken a couple of weeks rest, both for my body and mind and this coming Friday at 2:15 pm, I will face my fear and get those two needles done because I really do need them. All I know is that I do not want to be the guy who is not man enough to take what he has to take in life because that has never been me. However, I do want to be the guy who is not afraid to be honest with his emotions. If I am feeling scared, I want to be honest enough where I can admit it. If I feel I am too tired to deal with something, physically, emotionally or both, I want to be the guy who does not feel like he has to hide it and try to put on his fake cape and be a fake Superman. That is not me. That has never been me. That never will be me. I hope you all know, no matter how well you know me, that I get just as scared as the rest of you. The difference is whether or not you get up after you have had your moment of fear.

Giving up is not an option,

Perry.

Better or Bitter

If you are older than 2 years old, you should know by now that life presents us with a lot of choices, daily. Some complex ones and some that we make without much thought at all. Do I have coffee in the morning? That is a natural thing for me. Do I have steak or chicken for dinner? That's a choice but not a choice that will effect me long-term. There are those everyday choices that alter the present, but then there are bigger choices that have the potential to effect the rest of our lives. Choices about our career, our life partner (or even if we choose to stay single), religion, where we live will effect the rest of our lives and the way we do things.

One of those choices is something I was talking to a friend about earlier today. It is the choice about whether to be better or bitter, particularly when you are struggling physically. When life metaphorically punches you in the face, how do you react internally? Do you face it with optimism or a bitter attitude?

I have recently been diagnosed with arthritis in my shoulders and the doctor thinks there are more issues going on with my left shoulder that probably require surgery. I must admit it has knocked me a bit because any surgery on my shoulder would mean losing a lot of my independence, long rehabilitation and deferring my studies again. I had a couple of days of whining to God about how I don't want to deal with this, that I don't have the energy and it's too hard. His response: I know. The simple truth is that he knows what we are fearing, even before we admit it. What's the point of fearing something that is not even here yet? It just robs sleep, peace, joy and love and in my case, ability to study properly as well.

Therefore I have now made the decision and whenever I face most medical issues, I try to take the positive, or better, perspective on it all, knowing that what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal, as the bible says. God has it all in his hands, so hold his hand, look to him knowing that with his sufficient grace, we can overcome our current situation with a better attitude and not become bitter.

Be better,

Perry

Just Do It – seriously!

Breaking news: I have over the last few weeks been reminded that I am not a superhero, that I am just an imperfect male human. In light of this shocking development in my life, I have come to the conclusion that I need to rely on outside sources for strength even more. It is a very humbling thing when you are reminded of this and it is even more humbling when it is a series of events combined into one life lesson.

On June 17, I had a nerve conduction test, which involved about six needles at once into my left arm to test how reactive my nerves are in my arm because I have had a nerve injury for nearly a year now. I was told that my ulnar nerve on the outside of my left arm now only functions at 5%, so I have basically lost all feeling and doctors are saying I will not regain the feeling and it will always be weaker than normal. Do I accept this as my new standard in life or do I keep going with physio, pain relief and try my best to try and gain it? Sometimes, you just need to learn to accept the inevitable, that these people have studied and practiced for years in their field and know what they are talking about.

Only a few days after this, I left Australia for the first time as I headed to China on a study tour, totally paid for by my university. It was an absolutely amazing experience as I got to learn all about Chinese culture and experience their way of life for 15 days. The Chinese people are some of the most selfless people I have seen in my life and hopefully Australians can learn from this because we certainly have room for improvement in this area. The experience left me feeling vulnerable (according to our team leader, that was the whole goal of the trip) because I had no idea how to communicate, how to get anywhere, even how to use chopsticks at first. Now I could tell you how to get around Tianjin and Beijing, basic language, how to make Chinese tea, write in Chinese and cook real Chinese food and yes, I can use chopsticks.

All this has lead me to the thought that we are only humbled and vulnerable if we allow ourselves to feel that way. Our feelings are our choice and should not be a result of external factors. But hey, we are humans and sometimes they will be influenced by other things. There is nothing wrong with being humbled because sometimes we just need to be knocked down a few pegs. The important thing here is that we do not let that feeling make us feel low in ourselves and we just take things on board as learning experiences.

So going back to my title, despite how you feel, internally or physically, just get up and get on with it because in the end you will find you have more strength than you thought. On that day I had my nerve conduction test, I was in crazy amounts of pain and as I live on my own, had to cook dinner, wash clothes and clean the kitchen. I did it all because in the end, you realize that you have more strength in you than you know and you may even surprise yourself just how strong you are, physically or emotionally.

Giving up is not an option,

Perry.