“I’m back!” – Michael Jordan
With those
two words, the greatest male to ever play basketball was back at the highest
level for the Chicago Bulls after a hiatus. Some thought he had just retired,
full-stop. Some think he quit. Some think he just wanted a new challenge to
play baseball and hopefully make the major league, highest level of baseball in
USA. On a deeper level, he went away to clear his mind after the sudden death
of his father. My point is this: if it’s okay for Michael Jordan after winning his
third consecutive NBA championship to state that he is so damned tired
holistically he needs to stop the one thing he was dominant in, then it is ok
for us to stop for a while as well.
I stopped
writing about 4 years ago because of my mental health. Yet I am back writing
because of my mental health. Oxymoron? Maybe. Liar? Hell no. I may be a lot of
things, but my mother bluntly told me at 14 that I simply cannot lie to her
face because I am way too soft emotionally. I do a lot of things in this life. For
the last 20 years I have not bothered to even try lying as I am emotionally
softer than melted butter. Therefore, genuine sincerity is something I need
reciprocated to myself in others.
I have been
through some absolute hell these last few years I have been MIA from writing.
Some things I will write about; some things I will not. This is for my own
self-care. I am going to remind myself whatever I do write about is literally
going on the internet, for the whole world, potentially, to read and comment
about. Am I comfortable with that? Hell no. Does it scare me? Hell yes. Am I
going to do this anyway? Hell yes. I need to come back to this as it is a
cathartic thing for me to process and make real the emotion of life. I said to
one of my best friends this morning that writing it in black and white will
make events real. He quite rightly stated all those things are very real. I
have decided to face this mountain, in the words of Jon Foreman.
I was trying
to “run”, if you will, from all the things that have haunted me (literally, not
even a slight exaggeration) and numb myself to not feel the weight of what I
have been dealing with. Whether that is in basketball, books, movies, shows,
food, medication, whatever. However, there comes a point where a (hu)man needs
to realize they are not invincible, and you can only do that for so long. Being
numb to life is not living life well. Therefore, this is just a short one to
say I am back writing to assist myself to process my own thoughts and emotions
and to hopefully improve my mental health. If you read this, then great. With
all due respect, if you do not read it, also great.
Giving up is
not an option,
Perry
